the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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