I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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