He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
