We're like a lot better than the average bears
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
