I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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