I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
