hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
