i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
