can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
