no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
