You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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