What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
