Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
