theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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