Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
