Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
