Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
