so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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