just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
