Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
barbara walters just said penis...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
