The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
