period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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