I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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