She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
