i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
