I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
