I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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