You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
