You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
