U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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