My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
