i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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