Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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