hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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