im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize