Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will be naked everywhere
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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