If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
