I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
whose parrot is this?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize