lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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