I wanna passion pit in your ass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just high enough for therapy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
