pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
