there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize