I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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