Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
