I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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