It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
