3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
