I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
