Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
