we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
