there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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