all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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