we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
