fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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