today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
