You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
