I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
