SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
