once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
