I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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