Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
