dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
