there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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