Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
