omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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