Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
