problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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