can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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