Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
