is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im holly from the hills drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
