I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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