Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
