You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please, let me fuck your mom
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
