On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
