sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
