38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
