I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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