I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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